Music and Memories

You know how a certain song can make you feel a certain way. How sometimes you just connect certain memories to certain songs and every time you hear those songs the memories come flooding back. The song brings back the emotions you felt at that moment and the pain or the joy, the guilt or the pride or whatever it is that you were feeling, feels very real again. It can bring fresh tears to your eyes or make you happy even when you are at your lowest.

Music is what helps me survive. It’s what helps me when I feel like I have lost all sense of direction. So here is my list of some of the songs that have very special memories attached to them.
1. Hannah Montana theme song – best of both worlds – This song instantly reminds me of my childhood. When I was a kid I used to obsess over this show like crazy and whenever this song would play I would sing it at the top of my voice!
2. Waka Waka by Shakira – I was baking with this friend of mine who was my first girl crush and she introduced me to this song. This was the first time we properly hung out and this song kind of became a “thing” for us. I don’t really know why but it was special. And so whenever I hear it, it always reminds me of her.
3. True friends and party in the USA by Miley Cyrus- yeah, I know that both these songs are cheesy as fuck but my best friend and I used to love these and we used to sit on the swings in the park and sing them so loudly. These were are favorite songs and so these songs take me back to those amazing summer evenings with her.
4. Amake Amar moto thakte dao by Anupam roy – This is a Bengali song ( Bengali is my mother tongue). Its the first Bengali song I ever heard and this is song that got me into Bengali music. My sister and I used to sing it together pretending that we were really famous singers.
5. Teardrops on my Guitar and love story by Taylor swift – These were the songs that i used to listen to while thinking of one of my old crushes. It was so stupid!
6. Never good enough by Rachel Ferguson and when she cries by Britt Nicole – These are the songs I used to listen to when I was going through a really bad time. I used to listen to these and cry. Even today, if I listen to them, they brings back the pain I felt then.
7. Paloma Blanca, Summer Holiday and Jamaica Farewell – These are the songs that I used to sing with my mom in the car whenever we went somewhere. We would put down the windows and sing really loudly and pretend that we were in a movie or something!
8. Halo by Beyonce – My sister and I usually always sing this song on the way to or way back from school. I will always remember those two hours of travel where we just sing random songs this one being one of our favorites.
9. Sweater weather, Wonderwall, Me and my broken heart and a few others – I will never forget singing these songs on school camps (2014) and how much fun I had there.
10. This weird Hindi and Punjabi mixed song i don’t know the name of – Yaa, I don’t know the name of this song but in the 7th grade camps this was the only song we heard for 5 days and that too on my crush’s iPod and it always always reminds me of him and his stupidity and the camps of course.
11. Fix you by Coldplay – I will never forget this song because it played on prom and all the couples were dancing and my crush was dancing with her date and it was so heartbreaking. I felt horrible! Both about the fact that she was dancing with someone else and not me and about the fact that I had no one to dance with.

okay, I think I have exposed myself enough for now, huh?

I would to know your favorite songs and memories so don’t hesitate to comment!

I am Losing my Mind!

Warning – Rant post

Is is possible to have a crush on more than one person at the same time? Because I don’t know why but that happens to me way too often. Am I going crazy? It’s not that I like the first person any less its just that I like more than one person. And it’s crazy crushing! It’s like all I can think about is both of these people. And it’s consuming my mind and all my time! And I know that it’s never going to happen so it is making me even more crazy!! (One of them is probably straight and the other person is bi but she is seeing someone else)

I just feel like screaming for an hour or something. And I want like slap myself or like scream at myself to have some guts and go talk to them normally without making yourself look like a moron! And I am usually invisible to both of them but the few times that they do acknowledge my existence, its either just an exchange of smiles or a hey or on rare occasions a very short conversation with one of them. And even in that incredibly short exchange, I manage to make myself look stupid!

Ughh, I think I am losing my mind!!!

Day 11 – If I Won the Lottery

If I won a lottery I would probably use the money (assuming it is money that I won, lots and lots of money!) to pay for college in the US and use whatever is left to help pay for my sister’s school so my mom does not have to worry so much and work so hard. I also want to buy a house for my mom.

And then I would probably buy a new phone for myself and travel a lot. Travel to all the places I have read about in books. And maybe buy lots of books and clothes and shoes for myself and probably for all my friends and family! I would also have enough money to take dance lessons so I would probably do that. And maybe I would pay for singing lessons for my sister because she is a really good singer and if she trains more she can be really really amazing!

Yaa, I know I probably won’t win enough money to do all of this, but that isn’t gonna stop me from dreaming!

Numb

The Outpouring of My Heart

Have you ever felt so upset
That you became physically sick
A tsunami of nauseousness
But because of lack of appetite nothing comes up
Only dry heaving
So upset
That you are mentally drained
To the point that you’re numb to all pain
Others who don’t know,
Think you’re deranged
So upset
That you’re thoughts are blurred
You go autopilot
And your emotions are seared
Losing a loved one, is the ultimate reason
The epitome is a death or possible breakup
Maybe someone who’s cheated on a lover
Cursed be them that have done that wicked endeavor
That they so selfishly do what they want
And never bother to think of who they might hurt
Its amazing how people can hurt so bad
And amazing that others don’t care
It’s inhumane
How can one not care about someone else’s feelings?
Its unnatural
And its these people
That make others numb.

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