So this happened.

So you know how bras are the most annoying things ever? Well, yeah they are and they are so annoying to wear, like putting the bra clasp on in so difficult and annoying at times.

So yesterday I was sitting with my mom and sis and I was joking about how putting the clasp is so annoying and how I should get someone to do it for me and then I said that I’m going to make my husband do it for me everyday. But in reality what I wanted to say was that i’ll get my wife/girlfriend to do it for me. See the thing is, i’m not “out of the closet” to my mom. And so I have to cover up like this and change pronouns so many times! And I know it doesn’t seem like a big deal but I hate lying. And to me that is kind of lying.

I just kind of don’t like it and sometimes I wonder what would happen if I just blurted it out. I almost did yesterday. I almost said my husband or wife. I almost added the “wife” part but I didn’t. I don’t know. What’s the worst that could happen? I just feel like if I tell my family then I won’t have to be so careful about what I  say. I don’t know how my mom will react but I do know that my sis would be cool with it. But then the thing is that if I tell my mom then my whole extended family will find out and I know that a lot of them will not be okay with it. So I’m not sure what to do. I’d thought that I’ll just tell them once I move away for college or something but let’s see what happens.

Also, another issue is that I’m not even very sure how I identify. I mean I’m pretty sure I like girls. And initially I thought that I was bi but then I felt like I don’t like guys at all and so then I thought that I was totally gay but then a little while back I started thinking that the thing is, I do like guys sometimes. Like if I see a nice guy then I feel like I wouldn’t mind dating him or even kissing him or whatever but I could never ever sleep with a guy. Like I would be romantically interested in him but not at all interested physically or sexually or whatever. I don’t know, it’s confusing. So I don’t know how to “come out of the closet” when I don’t even know how I identify!

So yeah, I’m confused again! And this was one thing that I thought I had figured out but I guess not!


4 thoughts on “So this happened.

  1. I completely understand. While I do find some guys attractive, I don’t have the desire to sleep with them. I am however, very attracted to girls and would not mind being with them sexually. That’s why I wouldn’t say that I’m a lesbian, or even bisexual. Perhaps the closest term that I would associate myself with is demisexual, but still, that’s not very accurate in expressing my sexuality. Then again, labels are quite restrictive, so I’ve learned to accept my distinctive sexuality; perhaps it’ll get sorted out once I start dating! Same goes for you. 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

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