What could have been

You know those crushes where you almost certainly know that nothing is going to come out of it and you can probably never be together. Yeah, those ones are the worst. Either you never tell this crush you like them, or you think that they don’t like you or that they like someone else. But it’s that little hope that maybe they do like you and maybe something can come out of it.  In practicality you know it wont happen, But the dreamy little voice n your head just won’t stop talking and dreaming about what could be. It’s that little hope of being together that keeps you going. Sometimes, you see them enter relationships, break up and you just sit and wonder could it ever be me? It’s super annoying, but at the same time you want them to be happy so you feign happiness for their relationships.

Of course now this post isn’t a totally vague and in the air. I am talking about a certain someone from my life. Now this girl (as I have mentioned numerous times before) as far as I know is straight. But there is that stupid little voice in my head that says -how do you know she is straight? Maybe she isn’t! And so I keep dreaming about one day when maybe something could happen between us. I do this even though I know that I will never tell her but still. And I see her hang out with all her friends and I wish that I could at least be friends with her. But every time she is around I get super tongue tied and have nothing to say or I talk so much that I embarrass myself! Its so stupid. And the worst part is that with her it will always be a what could have been kind of situation. I will never really know what could have been.