It comes in waves. Block fog, I call it. I’m at a concert, foot tapping, lights flashing and suddenly I’m just… empty?
Trying to read two pages from my course book and two hours and 4 attempts later, I’m still not sure what’s happening and somehow I’m just numb.
Lit class. In the midst of having a really fucking interesting conversation, I start shaking. Depression decided to ask anxiety to tag along this time.
Dinner time, sitting in the mess with friends. My best friend tells me about the professor she really likes and I’m nodding along and I want to know but my mind. It won’t process anything. I come off as uninterested and I’m sorry and all I feel is lonely?
Someone told me, acknowledge the fact that you can feel this thing that you call black fog and distance yourself from it. Tell me how that works. Teach me. When at random times of the day all I can think is how much I’d like to die or how guilty I feel about, well, everything then how am I supposed to distance myself from it.
That’s the thing about my depression. It creeps in slowly and suddenly and with no warning but I still know when it’s coming but I can’t escape it.