Mid sem week

There’s a weird sort of solidarity during mid terms or finals week. Promising to wake people up in the morning by going to their rooms even though you aren’t super close. Studying together and in the process making friends you can smile at from across the room during the exam. Borrowing lighters and coffee in the middle of the night. Nudging the girl on the table next to you cuz she fell asleep while reading. Taking short naps in the quiet zone and asking friends and strangers alike to wake you up in 15 mins. Sharing pancakes and Maggi when we take “break” from studying. Constantly telling each other to get off our phones and study. Cribbing about how much work we have. These tiny things help us survive exam week. 
(I’m almost done! Just one paper and one exam to gooo!) 

College courses

So okay there is a lot I have to say about college but somehow right now I can’t put the words together to form proper sentences and I don’t know where to start so I’m just going to talk  about my courses for Semester 1.

My first preference course which I luckily got is called Great Books. In this course we basically talk about a lot of influential books across time periods and regions and it’s so interesting because our theme is sexuality so we connect everything in these books back to sexuality.  Some of the books we have read so far include the Kamasutra, parts of the Bible, Metamorphosis, Venus and Adonis, Symposium etc. And okay well honestly I haven’t loved all the books but I do like parts of most of them and I really enjoy this course. My professor is really good too!

My second course is called Mind and Behavior. It is basically a philosophy course and we have studies Descartes, Locke, Parfait etc. I’m so confused with this course! I don’t understand it very well but I’m trying so let’s see.

Next I have math. I’m not even going to say much about this except that I do not understand anything and I hate it. I’m really trying but it’s confusing cuz we have never done any of this before! That reminds me, I have to meet my TA soon!

Then I also have a critical thinking course which is quite interesting. It’s (thankfully) a light course cuz all my other courses are quite heavy. The only problem is that it starts at 8 30am but I’ve only missed one class till now so yay! I wrote a mid semester paper for it on homophobia being a foreign influence which was quite interesting and we have done articles based on social media, menstruation etc so it’s quite fun!

My last course is the co curricular course which is called From Drawing to Print Making. So for this course, initially we made a few paintings. Then about 2 weeks ago we started print making. W carved woodblocks to make the print and yesterday we inked these woodblocks and made prints on paper! It was fun but so exhausting and it got a tiny bit annoying in the end tbh.

Yeah so basically those are my courses for sem 1. Really hoping I pass with decent enough grades!

My mind is going crazy!

There used to be a time when I used to enjoy studying. The stress of work used to drive me to work harder and I was actually more productive in stressful situations than in non stressful ones. But unfortunately that’s not the case any more.

Usually I’m so tired of I don’t know what that I don’t end up working/studying at all. And other times I start working and I turn on my laptop and I just sit there staring at the screen for hours. I know I need to do the work but my mind just cannot process that somehow. My mind literally just stops working. And I’m honestly not exxagerating. I think this is partly because I don’t see the point of it all. I’ve become so disinterested in everything, especially studying. I just can’t concentrate enough at a stretch to get anything done. That’s also the reason that I’ve stopped reading nowadays. I can’t seem to concentrate enough to actually understand what I’m reading. And I get so annoyed with myself because of this.

The other day, I had a submission for psychology and I somehow managed to finish my work on time but I did all the components of the assignment on seperate word documents and had to put them all together. That’s it, I just had to copy paste them into one document and I’ve just been so distracted that I’ve been unable to do even that. It’s so frustrating. I want to work but my mind is just all over the place! Ugh.

I wish I could concentrate more on work but my mind just keeps thinking of random things. At times it just goes into over drive and thinks a million thoughts a minute and in those times I  just cant do anything because im so distracted, not even sleep. At other times it just shuts down completely and I end up sleeping for like 14 hours! It’s crazy.

I’ve taken three breaks even while writing this post! I can’t get myself to focus on anything and finish my work. I don’t know what I’m so anxious about but I’m just so fuckin stressed out.