Breaking?

There is a lot of anger and resentment and excitement and sadness and love and emotion in me but I am unable to express it. I am unable to write about it. I’m unable to write about love and it’s killing me. Nothing I write seems worth writing and I am tired. I need to write like I used to. More raw, more honest.

I think I’m just scared that if I start being honest, I’ll realize I’m more fucked up than I thought and writing things will just make them real. I need to write though. I need to write. And goddammit I need to write about her and how into her I am but I fucking can’t cuz everything seems not enough but at the same time I want to write about anything but her and I can’t handle this.

Maybe I need a break?

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3 thoughts on “Breaking?

  1. i used to feel the same way and it ended up with me taking an unintentional break. but i did come back more raw and honest than ever. i think one thing that definitely helped me express myself is setting my blog to private, because i used to give everyone and everything an alias to protect my anonymity, but it kept interfering with my stream of thought. now, i use people’s real names and it has helped a tonne. granted, i’ve only written one post right deciding to change anyone’s name, but i /cried/ while writing it. that’s how raw i felt lol. and now i feel like i have a lot more freedom to write whatever i want. also, a good exercise is to just try to just expel everything inside you into one post and save it as a draft. sometimes, publicly publishing posts can subconsciously pressure us into editing and censoring ourselves.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Yeah I totally agree. I’ve been thinking of making it private but I’m not sure. I might just change the URL so less people know it or something let’s see. Thank you!

      Like

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