There is a lot of anger and resentment and excitement and sadness and love and emotion in me but I am unable to express it. I am unable to write about it. I’m unable to write about love and it’s killing me. Nothing I write seems worth writing and I am tired. I need to write like I used to. More raw, more honest.
I think I’m just scared that if I start being honest, I’ll realize I’m more fucked up than I thought and writing things will just make them real. I need to write though. I need to write. And goddammit I need to write about her and how into her I am but I fucking can’t cuz everything seems not enough but at the same time I want to write about anything but her and I can’t handle this.
Maybe I need a break?
So I planned to read a lot this summer because I’ve neglected it for way too long and I miss it! And so this summer I downloaded a bunch of PDFs and bought a couple of books and I’m very excited cuz I’m actually reading and I love it.
So far, I’ve read three books, all of which I finished in a day each!
The first one I read was this book called Stargirl. It was actually my friend’s book that another friend had told me to return but I saw this note that she (owner of the book) and her sister had written at the back of the book about how much they love the book and I just had to read it! And I’m so glad I did. It was lovely! It’s a little slow at times but it’s worth reading. And honestly, I saw a little bit of me in one of the amin characters, maybe that’s why I loved it so much.
The second book I read was Animal Farm and it was amazing! I was going to read 1984 by Orwell but instead decided to read this one first and I’m so impressed! I don’t want to reveal too much about the book but it’s a very clever depiction of human society, scary almost. And honestly, I was almost angry (?) by the ned of it! 10/10 would recommend.
The third book which I read most recently is Tuesdays with Morrie. I LOVED IT SO MUCH. But it was also quite sad. And a few lines really stuck with me, “My old professor, meanwhile, was stunned by the normalcy of the day around him. Shouldn’t the world stop? Don’t they know what has happened to me? But the world did not stop, it took no notice at all, and as Morrie pulled weakly on the car door, he felt as if he were dropping into a hole. Now what? he thought.”
Yeah I don’t want to say anythign else about this one but please read it! It’s beautiful!
Okay so that is it! The next few books I’m planning to read are The Great Gatsby, All the Light We Never See, Three Daughters of Eve, and God of Small Things. But let’s see how it goes. Sometimes I see other books and get distracted, other times I just don’t have the time but yeah, I really want to read these! Also, book recommendations are always welcome 🙂