GUYS I’M DONE WITH FIRST YEAR OF COLLEGE CAN YOU BELIEVE THIS!???
I remember my first week like it was yesterday but it also feels so long ago! Like it’s strange, it’s like time went by too fast but also very slowly!?
I remember when I wasn’t too sure about my college decision and wasn’t sure that I’d like it. I can’t imagine myself anywhere but here now. I love my college so much. It feels like home, whatever this is. I can’t explain it very well but I shall try.
It’s laughing and crying, hogging on pancakes and Maggi in the middle of the night, dhaba dates, bridge dance sessions, learning to let go of things, learning that it’s okay to ask for help, feeling safe(ish) and pushing my boundaries. It’s movie nights, pantry gossip sessions, singing in the showers, bonding over the amount of work we have, promising to go to gym everyday but ending up just eating nutella instead, and sobbing in your friends room without having to explain. It’s sitting on hilltops and talking about the meaning of life, it’s watching friends play football at 2am, it’s sitting outside the mess just talking and it’s studying in the common room. It’s also kind friends and strangers holding my hand through panic attacks and letting me ride it out, it’s them hiding out in a safe place with me when I don’t feel brave enough to face the world, it’s people willing to listen.
That in no way sums up all of college but I could go on forever. But honestly, most importantly, it’s the people. The people who’ve taught me so much, been there for me, inspired me and just been extremely kind. I’ve had people I’ve never spoken to, come help me during a panic attack. I’ve actually made friends like that. I’ve made friends I trust completely. I’ve genuinely never met people I like and trust more than this.
And not going to lie, I sometimes hate it but that’s okay. I’m still trying to figure out how some things work and learning to find ways to change this I don’t like but I think that’s okay. It’s all part of the process.
In some weird way, I feel like I’ve found home, in both the place and the people.