i don’t know, really.

nothings feels real sometimes. i mean i don’t know i feel like an outsider looking into my own life. i don’t really understand it much. my therapist is leaving, i have two more sessions left with her. i don’t really know how i feel about that. one of my best friends at college is leaving too. i’m happy for her and i’m very proud of her.

i don’t know how i feel about people leaving.

my last therapy session was quite strange. i spent the first half talking mostly about the girl i love and wasting time. then i started talking about death and dying. particularly me dying. and somehow we started talking about priorities and how i feel like i’m not a priority. i was giving an example and telling my therapist that if for example, two of my friends call me at the same time, i’ll chose to answer one and that will immediately show my priority. i said this without thinking too much but like then my therapist responded by saying “and your mother is always busy” and this hit me like a tonne of bricks and i just said okay and i left.

i had an okay-ish day today. i didn’t panic much. i am proud of myself. i painted. i miss her.

 

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