Ramblings?

So yesterday was a strange day. Way to many emotions running wild tbh. Let me explain.

So the day started nice enough. I woke up at 6 30am and washed my hair and got ready for my 8 30 class on time and that’s actually a huge achievement for Monday morning. Went to class which was pleasant. Came back to dorm after class. Met Rain who had just came back from vacations and there was like a LOT of excitement! Then we went for our next class and then came back to the dorm after. See! Nice and happy and pleasant, right?

And then shit just got weird. I haven’t been feeling really good in the past week or actually a bit more (probably the effect of spending so much time at home) and so I’ve been spending most of my time in bed. Like I have literally no motivation to do anything at all. And like recently I’ve really been missing my school friends and my teacher and everyone and winter is coming which means my depression thing is just going to get worse and like suddenly there were like way too many thoughts in my head and I started crying. Thankfully I was alone in my room so it didn’t matter too much.

It was kinda bad but after crying it all out I convinced myself that I’m feeling better and I kinda tried to distract myself. Rain and I went out for a walk and played games and stuff in the field and talked which was really nice. Post that, I spoke to Tea for a while. That was nice too cuz like we spoke about stuff in her life which was a nice distraction from my own so yeah.

Okay so now, real talk – I’m kinda worried for myself. I don’t know how to explain it but like I usually always know when I’m going to get worse again and I can legit feel it creeping up. And my only solution right now is to distract myself. Study and do other things and just not think about it but that really doesn’t work out cuz I don’t feel like doing ANYTHING at all! Not even painting. I haven’t painted in so long! Okay I hate the fact that I’ve been writing so much depressing crap. ugh why?! But no I’m happier here at college so I should count my blessings or whatever, right?

Also, NOTE TO SELF – CALL THE FREAKING PSYCHOLOGIST AND MAKE AN APPOINTMENT YOU IDIOT!

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