So now I have 7 seven days left for college. 8 including today but I’m choosing to ignore today. I’ve spoken a lot about what I’ve packed, what I’ve bought and all that stuff but now I’m going to write about what I’m feeling. So here goes.
I have been collecting college brochures since like the beginning of grade 11, even before that I think actually. I started piling them up under my study table. All type of school ranging from liberal arts schools, to public schools, to engineering school brochures and even med school ones. I had no interest in half these schools but the thought of going to these amazing colleges prevented me from ever throwing them out. So the point is, I’ve been dreaming of going to college for a really long time. And now it’s actually here and I am so happy!!!
And yeah, it didn’t go exactly as I had planned but so what!? I’m quite happy with where I’m ending up even though it’s closer to home then I would have liked. And I know it’s going to be a lot of work but I’m ready, I want to study. And like right now I feel like I’m not going to miss home at all. I have waited to get away for so long and now it’s actually happening!
But at the same time, I’m slightly nervous. I don’t know how to make friends and I’m so awkward all the time. But I guess I’ll manage. I guess I just feel like it took me a really long time to make friends at school and actually open up to people and I have to start all over and usually I don’t mind telling people personal things but this time I feel like I have to keep my guard up or something. Idk, it’s a weird feeling. And then there is the whole thing that in college I’m going to have no one to depend on, I have to do everything on my own. Honestly, I don’t mind that. I’ve been doing better than ever and by the time college starts I’ll be 4 months clean of cuts and I ca survive on my own. So I’m feeling good.
I keep counting days left till college and my mom gets really annoyed and says stuff like you can’t wait to get away from home and while that is the truth, I can’t say that to her so I laugh it off and say it’s not that and I just want to start college.
I am so excited and slightly nervous and happy and I don’t even know what I’m feeling. Actually I think I’m not really feeling much but I’m telling myself to feel cuz I’m supposed to!? Does that make any sense at all?