College Decision

I made my final college decision and I am staying in my own country. Actually I didn’t make the decision, my mom did. And honestly, I hate it.

I have wanted to leave and go away from home for so so long and I thought that finally this was my chance. I worked hard at school and I did everything right. I worked hard enough to get scholarships at almost every school I applied to and yet I’m unable to go. There are two reasons for this –

  1. Costs – Even after scholarships, the schools cost a lot! Especially cuz I would have o pay in USD. And I have negotiated costs so much, it’s almost humiliating to discuss costs like that but I still cant go. And honestly, when it comes to things like this, I don’t like asking for financial aid and stuff cuz idk it hurts my ego or whatever but I swallowed my pride and I did it cuz I was so desperate. But despite that my mom says I can’t go. I said I would take out a student loan but she refused to let me do that either. So basically even after everything I did, I can’t go.
  2. Family – I have a lot of family responsibility and I can’t leave them and go. I had convinced myself that I could. I had decided that I would be selfish for once and do what I want to do but my mom just said that I can’t leave cuz I have to help her take care of things at home.

So yeah basically I’m staying here and I am not leaving. And I hate it. I did everything right. For once, I didn’t everything I could. I shouldn’t have applied in the first place, it wouldn’t have been so disappointing then. And it sucks cuz people who didn’t even work as hard as me are getting to go and I am not.

And honestly, I am not surprised. I knew that there was a huge chance that this would happen. That mom would finally not let me go but I was really hoping she would. It has been my dream forever. I have spoken to my friends about it so many times and dreamed and fantasized about it and even written about it here on my blog. I just really wish I could go.

Honestly, I know that the school in my country isn’t bad. It’s actually pretty good and the education and stuff is going to be good but I really don’t want to stay here, so close to home.

Now I feel like maybe I shouldn’t have worked so hard, what was the point anyway. Mom says I can go abroad for my masters but at that time my sister would be about to start her bachelors so that would be a huge financial strain as well so I think it’s quite unlikely. When will I get to live my dream!? And like the truth is, even if I went abroad, I might be disappointed, it might not turn out the way I expected or whatever but at least I tried. It wouldn’t be one of those ‘what if’ things. For once, I just want to be selfish and do what I want and go but at the same time, I can’t abandon people at home and go. Actually I can but I would probably feel guilty cuz who will take care of things if I go? I really want to go.

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13 thoughts on “College Decision

  1. I’m so sorry you weren’t able to go to the college of your choice somewhere else, I can tell that this meant a lot to you and you have worked so hard. I can definitely see why you’re disappointed and upset, it’s okay to feel that way. But don’t think that all your hard work was for nothing because trust me it will help, and hopefully soon you’ll be able to appreciate your own efforts. You have a lot of responsibility and I feel like that’s getting pretty overwhelming for you and it’s kinda holding you back, but it shows that you really care about your family and I think this will all pay off in time, and eventually you will be able to follow your dreams (cliche, but true) and go somewhere you want to go, if you keep trying like you always have. ❀ *hugs*

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you so much. I was feeling really low when I wrote this post but I feel better now. And I’ve decide to make the most out of whatevr I get. Thank you for the lovely comment! Hope you are doing well. Also, I answered your questions and emailed them to you! πŸ™‚

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Sorry to hear that you’re not happy with the college decision. True, it’ll save money to stay in your country, but then again the desire to see something new overseas was something you wanted to see for a long time. While I’m certain that you won’t be disappointed in the U.S., time is the best way to cope; definitely take the opportunity to go to the U.S. in future time. You won’t regret it! Best wishes to you afterwards. πŸ™‚

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I’m so sorry about the decision. You have worked so hard and it sucks that your mom is holding you back from doing what you want to do. Like the other commenters said, this will heal with time… Everything happens for a reason (sorry that’s cliche), but I’m sure things will find a way to work out. πŸ™‚

    Liked by 1 person

  4. I’m so sorry to hear that you didn’t Get to go where you wanted. Honestly, it is so so important for you to choose what you want to do. It is your life, and your dreams, and your choice. You have to do whatever you can to follow those dreams, I am so sorry that there were problems for you when facing your dreams, that doesnt mean you can’t still do something like it. If you really want it and work hard for it, I am sure you can go somewhere like it or reach a compromise with your family. Hope you ok ❀

    Liked by 1 person

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