WHY?

For a really long time now, I’ve been thinking about telling my mom about the social anxiety stuff so that I can get actual professional help. Like I can’t tell her about the cutting and stuff cuz that would be too much for her to handle but if I told her about the social anxiety then I could get help for all of it.

So finally after a lot of convincing by my teacher, I agreed to talk to my mom. On a weekend, I asked her if she was busy and whether we could talk. She said she was busy at the moment and would talk to me later in the day but she never got back to me and I was too scared to ask again. So then the next day I told my teacher to talk to my mom so finally she called my mom up and told her that she thinks that I have social anxiety and recommended getting professional help for me. So my mom told my teacher that she would talk to me on the weekend and so after that I waited all weekend for her to talk to me but she didn’t. I talked to my friends about this and they just said that maybe my mom just needs a little time to process and understand things and she would talk to me the next weekend or sometime soon and so I waited but it didn’t happen. She never spoke to me about it at all. Someone recommended me getting professional help which obviously implies a degree of seriousness regarding the situation and my mother completely ignored it.

This was a while back, last weekend of January, and one of the things that I clearly remember is that I was talking to a friend of mine about my mom finally knowing and I was talking about how I might finally get help and things might actually be okay for me. Like I was really scared but I was kinda hopeful. I could get help, I could get better, maybe I won’t feel so shitty all the time. But she never talked to me at all and I don’t have it in me to talk to her and so I’m stuck here again.

I was really upset about this cuz I felt that it was her responsibility being the adult here to do something about it but then again, why was I expecting anything idek. But then I made myself stop thinking about things with her cuz the two following weekends after my teacher talked to her, she said really mean things to me and I was really hurt. So I forced myself to stop thinking about it and stop caring. I kept thinking that it’s a matter of a few more months till I’m 18 and then I’ll figure things out for myself. But then I don’t know why but for the past couple of days I’ve been feeling worse and I just feel so bad that she doesn’t care enough to actually talk to me about things. I was really hopeful about getting help cuz it’s getting too much for me to handle on my own sometimes. I don’t even know what I’m saying anymore.

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20 thoughts on “WHY?

  1. I’m really sorry your mother didn’t take the issue seriously. Could be that she is in denial about the matter. You could try talking again but I understand it is hard for you. I think you could approach the school counsellor if your school has one.

    Take care
    Arcane owl

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Since you’re 18 you should probably take the matter in your own hands. Take yourself to the doctor if you really want to. Or call and ask about it.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I’m always here when you need to talk, I’ve been through similar with my mum and it took her approx 1 year to process everything and help me get help xx

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Maybe you could try to seek out professional help yourself? I’m really sorry your mum isn’t helping with your anxiety. If you want, you could talk to me. I can’t be a therapist but I’m good at listening ๐Ÿ™‚

    Liked by 1 person

  5. I’m really sorry she’s not helping, if you’re able to find professional help yourself I’d suggest you do that? Otherwise you know I am here to listen if you ever want to email me. โค

    Liked by 1 person

    • I wish I could but I can only do that once I’m 18!
      Thank you! Hope you’re doing okay. Saw one of your recent posts which said that you’re going to be blogging less, just hope all is well with you. Take care.

      Like

  6. I feel like I can actually connect to this because I’ve been just recently been experiencing this and because of this I haven’t been going to school at all because I’m sad all the time and I can’t handle the people at school . I just find it physically impossible to be around them because I feel so disconnected to them .
    I want you to know that I’m extremely proud of you for asking fo help because it’s not the easiest thing to do . And I’m also sorry that your mom is being rude and nasty to you about it but don’t feel bad because you did your part . Asking for help is something I can never do and the fact that you recognize that you needed help says a lot about you and that you’re very self aware .
    Just hang on tight until you’e 18 and get the help you need but until then please just keep holding on and keep trying . Maybe force your mom to finally listen to you about the matter . Maybe she’s just in denial about it and can’t accept the fact . make her listen to you!
    I believe in you and I hope you hang on tight . It will get better ๐Ÿ™‚
    sending loads of love and hugs your way,
    ayele:)

    Liked by 1 person

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