So I’ve always had a thing for art but it’s always been a hobby kind of thing. I’ve never thought of it as a career or profession or anything.
In fact I used to always think that I was no good at it and I never even used to show any of my stuff to anyone. Over the past couple of years that’s changed and I’m more open to showing my work to people, in fact I even post it on Instagram.
And like I’ve never had any formal training in it, I’ve never even had art as a subject in school! It’s all self taught with help from the internet and with whatever supplies I could find and understand how to use basically.
So when I was applying to my colleges, on a whim, I decided to apply to an art school. All my friends kept telling me I should apply but I was quite unsure about it but I still ended up applying.
Then a few days back I heard back from the school and I got in. And I was so happy! I actually thought that I would not get in cuz I put together my portfolio in less than two weeks and I didn’t think it was good enough anyway! So I was beyond happy when I heard that I got in.
But then reality happened and I remembered that there is no way I can afford it. Like initially when I didn’t think I would get in, it wasn’t a big deal but I did get in. I worked hard enough and I got in. If I hadn’t I would blame myself and say that I didn’t work hard enough but I did. And then I actually thought I could maybe go and I started actually wanting to go but I can’t. I can’t afford it.
I got like a really tiny scholarship from this school and my mom can pay for a little bit of it and like I’m ready to get a student loan and a job but I still don’t think I can afford it! And that really sucks! Why is this school so fucking expensive!?
I wish I could pay for it, like I’m literally ready to do almost anything for it. If there was anyway I could pay for it, I would. I’m actually willing to scrimp on everything and find cheaper alternatives to everything. In fact I’ll probably have to do that even if I go to a cheaper school and I’m ready to do that. And I’m definitely going to get a job and work and earn as much as I can. I just wish there was some way I could pay for this school!
A while back, my mom asked if I wanted to ask my dad for money for college but I said I didn’t and I don’t want to but I’m desperate! But no, I can’t do that. Cuz legally he doesn’t owe us any money and asking him for money would mean bringing him back into our lives and I’m not ready for that. So I really have no choice.
I guess that means I’m not going to be going to art school. And hey, I can deal with that, right!? Idk man, I was good enough to get in but I still can’t fucking go and that sucks! But I’m not going to crib about this anymore, I just needed to write this down and vent a little. But I’m done, I can’t change the situation and so I’m going to have to accept it and be okay with it. I can always do an art minor at a cheaper school with whatever major I finally do. SO I guess it’s okay. It’s okay.