Last night was really bad for me. I don’t even know what happened. I just felt so bad. And so I messaged a friend of mine and spoke to her a bit but like I didn’t even want to talk to anyone cuz I didn’t want to bother anyone. But I did. So stupid.
And like she kept saying that she’s sorry I feel like that and that I feel like that so often and I could kinda tell that she wasn’t sure of what to say and I understand that. Like I don’t expect her to understand cuz she’s not been through this and that’s a really good thing. And I don’t know, I guess all I need is for someone to listen. And I feel so bad when I tell people all this cuz I feel so attention seeking but I still need to talk so it’s weird. Anyway, that’s not the point of this post.
So yeah, last night. I guess I was just feeling really overwhelmed or something. I guess I just sometimes feel like I’m trying to not feel like shit and I’m trying to do better but I’m not managing and so I feel like I’m not trying hard enough maybe.
I feel like everyone’s living their lives, doing amazing things, and having fun like really living their teen lives to the fullest and I feel like I’m just wasting my time.
And like it was just one of those nights when I just feel like dying but like I wouldn’t do anything stupid but I just wish I could die. I don’t know. I’m sorry.
I’m not feeling better yet and I know I’m going to have a bad night tonight also but I’m going to have to deal with it I guess. It’s fine. I’ll maybe talk to my friend.
I’m just so messed up right now, I’m not even able to put it in words properly. Sorry.