I messaged her.

I messaged her. I’m so stupid. I was kinda anxious and worried about my mom and I missed her and so I messaged her. Late at night that to. I’m an idiot!! She’s on vacation in Goa, I’m not supposed to message her. I even asked someone when she’s coming back but and I asked a friend of mine whether I should message her or not and my friend said that I shouldn’t but I did anyway.
How stupid can I be? I had told myself to not bother her. And for all these days, I didn’t but last night I ended up messaging her. And what’s worse is that I message her and be all like my mom’s sick and I’m worried and all that and then I say actually nom sorry.
Ugh. I start the conversation and then I end it. And then a while later she repliesd asking how bad was it and all and so I answered in one sentence and said I’m sorry and forget it.
To which she replied a couple of hours later saying that she hopes it’s going to be fine and all and then she said she’s high or something and she’s sorry if she’s not replying properly and at that I just said that she should take care and have fun.

Then this morning she replied to that asking what happened to mom. So then I said that it’s nothing and that she should forget it and I’m sorry to bother. At this she said that it’s not a bother and she wanted to know and so I told her and she said that she hopes it’s going to be fine and all that stuff.

She was really nice about all of it but I’m such an idiot! Ugh. I’m supposed to expect less and care less, this is not expecting less and caring less!! I told myself to not tell her and bother her but I did. Ugh. I don’t know why I do this. And I’m supposed to disconnect and I was doing that pretty well till last night. Now I have to start it again all over. I’m literlaly the queen of reckless messages but then again how reckless can I message really be!? Eh, whatever.

Whatever, I guess I can’t change it now. I just feel really stupid.


14 thoughts on “I messaged her.

  1. Stop calling yourself and idiot and being so hard on yourself, pretty please? There’s no reason for you to be saying all those things about yourself, because none of them are true. You’re not stupid or bad for asking her (are you referring to your teacher?), you did the right thing to reach out. Yes, she might be on a holiday but she certainly cares about you and I’m absolutely sure she’d rather you tell her than not. If setting yourself these kind of limits/goals like disconnecting and stuff is helping, then at the very least don’t beat yourself up because you didn’t stick to it. Like you said, it’s already over. But I still believe it’s important to talk to someone. Perhaps trying a call to a helpline or something like that? I know those have helped people a lot. x

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you. No, I’m not referring to my teacher. I’m referring to a friend of mine.
      I know I shouldn’t be so hard on myself but I dont know why I am. I’m taking my mom to the doc this afternoon so I’ll just talk to my teacher after that. Thank you! ♡

      Liked by 1 person

  2. It’s not silly! I think is good that you show that you care about her. I think everyone regrets a time where they messaged someone and can’t take it back, we are all human and will feel regret but try not to think about it so much!

    Liked by 1 person

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