Revisiting 2015

So my friend just made a post about 2015 on her blog Diaries from Space and she did like a month by month reflection thing and I thought that was a relaly good idea and so I’m going to give it a shot.

January –
Made some friends, grew apart from others. This was also kind of the time when I was trying to figure out if I was bi or gay or what and it was slightly confusing and then we had exams also I think so that was slightly stressful but not a bad month all in all.

February –
We had this event in school. A round square conference basically. And so I was involved in that and this was also the time when I finally realised that the people I was hanging out with weren’t really my friends and so yeah, I cut off some people.
Valentine’s day was as uneventful as can be.

March –
My sister’s birthday. She turned 12 and while that’s not a huge deal to most people, it was to me. Seeing my little girl grow up always makes me so emotional!

April –
I don’t even remember this month, like did it even happen? I honestly have no recollection of it. I was probably just studying for my exams or something.

May –
Final grade 11 exams. They went pretty smoothly I think. I usually don’t stress too much over exams so that was okay. Oh also, socialised with friends from this school for the first time. Went for my friend kaii’s birthday which was pretty cool. Like idk, I was a mess but it was not a bad evening. It was actually quite nice.

June –
Went for lunch with school friends which was really nice.
Hung out a bit with Annie which was nice.
June is also the month when all my depression and cutting stuff started getting really bad again.

July –
Was a really bad month. I cried so much and I almost didn’t step out of the house at all. I cut almost everyday and things were just relaly bad.
The one slightly good thing was I finally told someone. One night when I couldn’t handle it anymore, I messaged Annie in the middle of the night and I told her everything and I kinda felt better to get it off my chest so that was good I suppose.
But yeah, that was not a good month for me.

August –
Started Grade 12. Sat at a different lunch table. Became better friends with some people.
Went for my friend Mousey’s birthday which was really nice. Well, I only had a really small panic attack and I didn’t mess up badly so I have to count it as a personal success and I think she had fun so thats good!
My birthday. It was nice I guess. I went out for dinner with my friends which was good. Mousey, kaii, Annie, Shivi, GS and me. It was a pleasant evening.

September –
Teachers day celebrations. Basically dressed up in traditional clothes which meant sarees for all the girls and did some dance and stuff.
Mock ToK presentations. Okay this month was horrible. A week before this presentation I started freaking out and having panic attacks everyday in school. And like this stupid presentation triggered so many bad things. I cried so much in school and everything sucked and it was the worst month. But then I spoke to one of my teachers who helped me sort some stuff out which was helpful so that’s good I guess.

October –
Last school camps. Camps were shitty. Basically all of September and October was shit cuz I just hit a really and phase and I couldn’t stop crying. I cried so much on camps too and I felt so stupid. And like one night I got so bad that I just went into my friend SG’s room and started crying like a crazy person and she was relaly nice and all her roommates were really nice too and they offered to let me sleep in their room which I did. So yeah, that was nice. Idk. Camps were just weird.

November –
Things were still pretty bad and so my teacher made an appointment for me to go see a therapist for which I had to lie at home and make lots of excuses and go meet her. Idk if it was actually helpful or not but I went for it. With Annie. So umm yeah.
Then exams started at the end of the month. So I spent a lot of time studying or like trying to study.

December –
Mom’s birthday.
College applications.
Christmas.
Winter vacations. Sucked. I don’t like winter when I have to be alone. Everything gets so much worse. But I made it through. So that’s good I suppose.

All in all the year, especially the second half was pretty turbulent but I made it through and it’s over. So thats good!

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