Okay so last night, my friend mousey (I think I used to refer to her TB in my earlier posts but I like this better) messaged me and asked whether I want to go out for lunch today with her and some friends of hers. So basically her, me and three other guys. Out of the guys, I had only spoken to like one of them properly and I had spoken a tiny tiny bit to another one and the third one was almost a total stranger but I had heard stories about him. Not very nice stories that to! So I was a little hesitant and I wasn’t sure if I should go or not cuz umm hello, anxiety! But then I just decided to go.
So I was really nervous before going because well because I’m a nervous little shit and don’t know how to behave normally in front of new people. I either get over excited or really quiet and start freaking out internally! Anyway, I went and I met these people. We went to this place called Spaghetti Kitchen which was quite nice. And then of course, time to order food! And time to freak out in my head! So, I’d been to this place once really long back and so I decided to order what I had ordered the last time cuz I’m really bad at ordering so yeah I did that. And then of course, I couldn’t finish all my food cuz it was a LOT and then eating in front of people!? But I ate as much as I could so that was okay!
So like initially, it was just mousey and two of the guys and me, the third guy was late. So then finally this guy came and he was all like let’s go get waffles and lets go to this other place and all that! Umm and of course I was like shit I shouldn’t be doing this but I decided to go with it anyway!
And so we all got in his car and he drove us to this ice cream/waffles place! And omg! So he was playing like kinda loud music in his car and then the car like opened from the top and you could like stand there and omg. Like I have never done something like this and it was amazing! I felt like Charlie from perks of being a wallflower! I had so much fun and IDK I felt so bad-ass because my mom didn’t know and I was doing something with people I hardly knew and I wasn’t panicking too much and I was actually having fun and whoa!!
It was such an exciting day and the best part was I WAS BEING SOCIAL!!! Okay I’m kinda excited but can you believe that!? Me talking and laughing. Okay well not talking too much but whatever! And I did talk to Mousey and one of the guys so that was cool!
And like this was the first time I’d ever hung out with guys from my school. Like I’ve gone to a few school parties but it was always a huge group and so I didn’t have to talk to anyone! And yeah I’m pretty sure they thought I was really weird but who cares, I had fun! And I didn’t have a panic attack and I didn’t want to go way and hide! Like I’ve gone to two other school parties, Mousey’s birthday and Kaii’s birthday and both times I had mini panic attacks so this was progress for me. I was literally jumping with excitement. I was kinda happy which was nice for a change! I was behaving like an over excited little kid but then again that’s my way of keeping my stupid and sad thoughts at bay so whatever works for me, right?
And I told Annie about it and she freaked out a little cu one of the guy’s was her ex and she hates him but it was fine! She just wanted to make sure that I was okay so it was okay! Today was kinda good but I don’t know.
Yeah anyway, on a side note, I’ve ended up showing this blog of mine to a lot of people from my real life – my friends – kaii, SG, Annie, Shivi and Sim. I’m also going to show it to Mousey today. And I’ve also shown to one of my teachers. So yeah, that’s something!