This again.

It’s not supposed to feel like this. It’s not supposed to feel like my insides are crumbling all the time. I know everyone feels like that sometimes but it’s not supposed to feel like that all the time. I know this sounds dramatic but it feels like my heart is breaking. And I’m falling apart. And I’m messing things up. I’m messing everything up. I don’t even know what I’m doing anymore. And I am so angry at everything and at myself. I don’t want to be like this but I have no energy or strength to change anything. Honestly being happy has started to scare me a little because happiness is flighty. And when I fall back down it hurts ten times worse. And I don’t know if I can handle that over and over again. So I’m scared. I’m scared to even try. Because I’ve tried and tried but I keep coming back to square one and I don’t want to try anymore. I’m tired.

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