All I feel like doing these days is lying on the bed under the covers with the air conditioning on and the lights off. Ive literally lost all my motivation to do things. Productive things. I’ve not managed to study anything in the past few weeks and I’ve literally done nothing but I’m still so tired.
I’m tired of pretending to be okay. For the sake of my friends. My family.
Sometimes smiling and laughing physically hurts because all I want to do in those moments is cry. But I can’t. Because I don’t want other people to be obligated to ask if I’m okay. Because I don’t know if I can keep lying and saying that I’m okay. I’m tired of it all. I just want to sleep.
While I don’t want to tell my friends that I’m not doing okay, I still want them to know. It’s strange because I don’t know what to do in this situation. I’ve become this sad mopey creature and I don’t like it but at the same time I have no motivation to change anything. I’m tired of feeling like shit and I just want to be happy but I don’t know how.