Reaching out

So I talked to my teacher. Finally! After avoiding it for about two weeks. It started with her asking me about my social anxiety problem considering that is the reason she had wanted to talk in the first place. She started the conversation by asking how she can help me and what will help to which I said that I didn’t know. I said that I want to help myself but I don’t know how to. At this point we started discussing therapy. She recommended a therapist and said that I should go and talk to this person but if I go to this person then I have to tell my mom about it and I don’t want to do that. So I told her that and she asked why I didn’t want to tell my mom. So I told her that I didn’t want to burden my mom more considering the fact that she already has a lot to stress about. If i tell her then she will start stressing about me too and also my sister because she doesnt stress abou my sis because she knows that i take care of my sis. Ma’am found that very “admirable” but I don’t think it’s admirable. It’s just something I do. It’s nothing actually, I’ve been doing it for as long as I can remember! So then she promised to not tell my mom which was a relief.

Then she asked me if there was more than just the social anxiety issue on my mind and if something else was going on. So I said that there was something more I wanted to talk to her about. Then I told her about the depression and the cutting and all the other things. Like I was ranting so much about all of it. So first thing she did was made me promise to call her anytime I felt like cutting so that she would talk to me out of it and so she could help. Then she asked me why I was unhappy so I told her about my issues with my mom and my body image issues and my food issues and all of that. So she said that I show very classic symptoms of depression and that I need to get help. She said that she is trained in therapy and she could help me but she feels that I should do a few sessions with a professional before she takes it on. But I don’t know if it’s possible. I don’t know what is possible. All I know is I feel slightly better by talking to an adult about it. I feel a bit relieved honestly.

I don’t know if she can even help or what but it’s worth a shot I guess.