One of my biggest fears in my life is that I’ll never get out. Out of this city, out of this country. And I want to get out so desperately. But not at the cost of hurting the people around me. While I dream of going and probably never coming back to my country, I know that my mom wants me here. She wants me around. And how can I leave my sister and go. Like I’ve literally raised that little girl, she is my life. She needs me around. My mom is a really busy person and isn’t around that much and I I leave then what will my sister do. Who will she have around? But then again, leaving and going and travelling has always been my dream. I don’t know if I can give that up. Actually I know that I can give it up but I don’t know if I want to and also I don’t want to end up resenting them for holding me back here.
College is about a year away and I know that I’ll probably have to leave and go for college but my mom really wants me to go to a school which is just about 2 hours away and she wants me to come home on weekends and all but I don’t know if I want to do that. I want so desperately to go to a different country.
Also then there is the matter of being able to afford it. I know that I can’t afford it without getting a student loan or financial aid or something. Hell I can’t afford to buy a new laptop on my own, let alone go to college. (On that note, I actually am getting a new laptop. My mom’s ex gave me some money for my birthday and my grandmother is putting up some money so yeah)
Anyways, my point here is I don’t know what to do here? Like I don’t know if I can leave even though I desperately want to!