One of my biggest fears in my life is that I’ll never get out. Out of this city, out of this country. And I want to get out so desperately. But not at the cost of hurting the people around me. While I dream of going and probably never coming back to my country, I know that my mom wants me here. She wants me around. And how can I leave my sister and go. Like I’ve literally raised that little girl, she is my life. She needs me around. My mom is a really busy person and isn’t around that much and I I leave then what will my sister do. Who will she have around? But then again, leaving and going and travelling has always been my dream. I don’t know if I can give that up. Actually I know that I can give it up but I don’t know if I want to and also I don’t want to end up resenting them for holding me back here.

College is about a year away and I know that I’ll probably have to leave and go for college but my mom really wants me to go to a school which is just about 2 hours away and she wants me to come home on weekends and all but I don’t know if I want to do that. I want so desperately to go to a different country.

Also then there is the matter of being able to afford it. I know that I can’t afford it without getting a student loan or financial aid or something. Hell I can’t afford to buy a new laptop on my own, let alone go to college. (On that note, I actually am getting a new laptop. My mom’s ex gave me some money for my birthday and my grandmother is putting up some money so yeah)

Anyways, my point here is I don’t know what to do here? Like I don’t know if I can leave even though I desperately want to!

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4 thoughts on “

  1. I’m sorry that you feel that way. It’s hard choosing between family and yourself. I hope that as senior year goes by you will find out what you really want in life. There will always be sacrifices no matter what you choose, but know that it’ll also come with a lot of enriching experiences.

    …and awesome that you’re getting a laptop! They’re always so useful to have. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I don’t know if you can leave, but definitely try to! I can imagine how you feel. I felt bad at first when I went away to college and my parents really missed me and I had to leave my sister behind who I am really close to and someone she confides in. But it is so much healthier for me to be away! Of course I always go back home and I wouldn’t go away forever and never return, but quick visits is enough for me. I’m graduating college this year and hoping I don’t have to move back home. When I was abroad and by myself it was hard, but liberating too. I hope everything works out for you! Good luck with whatever decision you make! 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

  3. Hey, I had the same problem when I decided to move to London, but I do not regret it. Sure it’s hard to leave my sister every single time. She’s 10 now and counting the days every time I go to uni but well, I am sure in 10 years, when we both talk about it, she will be happy for me that I realised my dream instead of staying at home to play UNO with her…
    And now again, I may want to live in south america next year… same questions, same problems… I think you need to think really rationally about what is going to make YOU happy and no, it is not selfish, it is “understanding the purpose of life”.
    Have a good day doing nothing. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

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