I’m freaking out. Big time. I’m so scared for tomorrow. School starts tomorrow. I feel so unprepared. I can’t do this. I’m not ready for this!!!
I can’t deal with going back and seeing everyone at school. Everyone has had such amazing productive summers and I’ve done nothing. My summer has been shit compared to everyone else’s. I know I shouldn’t be comparing my summer to other people’s but i feel like I’ve done nothing worthwhile this summer. I’m scared. I haven’t even done all the work I needed to finish and that’s no one’s fault but mine. I’ve been so out of it all summer. I’ve totally ignored everything I needed to do. I don’t know why. I’ve just been so busy with all the other shit going on in my life. God, I’m freaking out so much. I need to study!!!
I had to lose weight this summer. I had to. I had planned to. But yeah, that didn’t work out for me! And now I have to eat lunch at school. That means I have to eat in front of a lot of people, people I call my friends. I can’t do it. I’m not ready for it. I am freaking out like crazy. Oh my God!!!
I had to write my extended essay, my math Internal assessment, and my History assessment. I had to re-read my English texts, practice Spanish, study Environmental systems and societies. And out of that I did nothing! Yeah, I’m not exaggerating when I say nothing. I thought that I would read a lot at least but I didn’t even do that. I read 1 book. That’s all. One book in 2 months. I’ve wasted all of my summer just doing stupid things. Crying and obsessing over shit and trying to fucking sort out my life! I should have studied. You cannot believe how much I’m freaking out right now. God, I need to breathe.
I am not ready for school to start yet!!! I am not ready for senior year. Tomorrow is going to be my last first day of school!