I just came across a post by The Finicky Cynic announcing a new challenge called “June Jour” challenge which you can find here. The first prompt (which you can find here) was If you could go back in time to any moment in history, when would it be and why?
So I kind of decided to do it my way and not think of world history but rather think about my history. Like all my past life experiences. (By past life I don’t mean like previous lives, I just mean experiences that have happened in the past in this life! Don’t Worry, I am not going to go all Dr. Brian Weiss on you now!) Is that a little weird? I don’t know if it, but that’s my take on this prompt so here goes…
Okay so back in grade 8, I used to have a crush on a guy. I like him for almost 4 years. Yes, really. So my ex-best friend went and told him that I liked him. So he came up to me and asked me If I actually liked him or something, and I said no and that my friend was just kidding. I want to go back to this moment and change my answer to yes. Because it has always been such a “what could have been…” thing for me. Like I keep wondering that did he maybe like me back or something? And this is the guy who proceeded to call me a slut for almost 2 years. So I also sometimes think would he have not called me that had I admitted that I like him that day.
I am completely over him now and my life would probably be very different had I said yes and I don’t want it to be different because I like where I am right now, but there is huge What if thing about it that sometimes really bothers me.
I know its probably a stupid thing to want to go back to considering that there is so much more that I could go back and change, but while writing this post I kind of realized that everything else in my past, the good and the bad,I have made peace with. Everything that has happened in my life has made me who I am and I don’t want to go back and relive any moment again, even the good ones. Except this one. This one still bugs me at times.