Unsatisfied

I want to be happy. Why am I not happy? It’s not that I am very unhappy. I guess I am a little unhappy but I am more unsatisfied. I don’t like what my life has become. I don’t like what I am doing. I need to do more. I need to be more. Academically, socially, in every possible aspect. I am sick and tired of feeling like I am not enough. I am so so tired of this feeling. It’s this constant weight on my head. I don’t know how to feel better about myself. Sometimes I do feel better when I am around people but the moment I am alone, all the self doubt and self loathings comes creeping in. Other times I just pretend to be happy and hope that that I can fake it till I make it. I swear sometimes I think I am one of those people in school who laughs a lot and is always smiling, but if i don’t I think I would just start crying. I don’t want to feel like this and I am trying to change. I honestly am. I go up to people and talk. I talk to people I would usually not have the guts to talk to. I am trying but I cant help feel unsatisfied with everything. With myself. I just want to be fucking happy. Is that too much to ask for?

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