I just fucking want that. I just want love. I want it so bad. I am desperate for it. I am tired, so tired of feeling like this- unloved, not good enough, never enough. I just fucking want someone to want me. Just please please love me. I want to be someone’s reason to smile. I want someone to think about me and feel all warm and mushy. I want someone to love me. Why is it never me? Why am I never the girl people fall in love with? I just want to be happy. For once, I just want pure, unadulterated bliss. I want someone to wake up thinking of me and hold me and to just want me around. I don’t understand why it’s never me. Do I not deserve it? I get it, I am not pretty, thin or even smart.But I am human. I need love. I want someone to kiss me and hold me like they they have never been with someone like me. I want to feel special for once in my fucking life. For as long as I can remember, I have been the unwanted one. I want people to want me.
I am tired of being invisible. And I don’t know how to change this. I am everyone’s second choice. Or maybe like the 8th or 9th choice. I don’t know. I just want to be someone’s priority. I want to make someone as happy as they make me. I am sick of feeling like I am not enough.
I cut again. I stopped doing it with so much difficulty last time. I don’t why I started again. I am stupid. I don’t what I am doing. I am not fulfilling any expectations. Mine or anyone else’s. I don’t know what to do. I don’t want to feel like this anymore. When will it be my chance? When will someone want me? When will someone get butterflies when they think of me, when will someone want to be with me and talk to me all the time? I just want someone to be there for me. I just want to be there for someone. I need someone to hold me. I need a hug. A long and comforting hug.