Family.

I made dinner tonight. I made pasta with chicken in white sauce. I laid out the dining table for my family. I brought out the better dishes and glasses. I put on the air conditioner. I planned a nice family meal for us. It was supposed to be a nice and relaxing meal. Instead, it ended up being one of the worst meal, with my mom screaming at me. Screaming at me for not choosing the right topic to do my History assignment on. I chose a topic for which I could not find the appropriate sources and so got stuck with the assignment. I went to all the bookstores I could think of but did not get the books I needed. So she told me to change the topic. I said i would, but I wanted to look for online resources a bit more. We were having a nice meal when the history assignment came up and she got so upset with me for not working fast enough and for not changing my topic yet and for not listening to her. And she started saying how i don’t even know what the assignment is meant to be and how I was going at it all wrong and that i don’t know how to work. While her advice must have come from the right place… It’s my assignment. Can you for god’s sake let me figure it out on my own!? And I did so much for her this evening and while I did not do it just to get appreciation, some appreciation would have been nice. For some reason, I feel that I will never be good enough for my mother. As much as I appreciate all that she does for me, I need to figure out some things, such as my assignments on my own and some encouraging words from her would be nice. All I wanted was a happy and enjoyable dinner. She works a lot and is a very busy person. We do not get to spend much time together, I just wanted to make her happy! Instead she just screamed at me and got upset with me. Normally, this wouldn’t bother me because I am used to her screaming but I am really trying. Well, I am sorry I am not good enough, I really want to be and I really do try.

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2 thoughts on “Family.

  1. I’m very sorry this happened. Often times we don’t always know the effects of our words and actions. It’s not always our intention. I wish she saw your effort and thoughtfulness. I’m sure you do many things right!

    Liked by 2 people

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