My mini breakdown.

So recently, things at my school have been stressful. I have realized that I don’t really belong with my current friend circle and have decided to distance myself from them a little. One of the major reasons for this is that they bitch about my other friends a lot and I cannot handle that. The thing is that our school has day students and boarders and my friend circle was mostly boarders even though I am a day student. So all my boarder friends do not like the day students and they talk trash about them, whereas even though I don’t have many Day student friends, I really like them and think that some of them are really nice people. And I also realized that this current friend circle of mine does not really value me. Like they don’t care if I am around or not. So I have been felling kind of alone and lonely at school. And so I made a new friend. Lets just call her Shaz. So I have 4 classes with her – Psychology, Math, English, and Spanish and I usually sit with her in all of the classes except maybe psychology. And because we spend so much time together we have kind of become really good friends. And so I started getting lunch with her. So basically, we would finish eating in the first ten minutes and then just hang around school. And by now quite a few people know that I’m gay but somehow she didn’t know. So then this rumor started that she and I were dating. She is the kind of person who lives in her own world, she daydreams a lot and she is usually unaware of a lot of stuff that goes on around her. So, obviously, she dint get to know about this rumor. And even though I am totally cool with being gay, It was a bit much to take in, I don’t know why and so I was really upset in school. So one day last week, I was sitting in my history class, and my teacher asked me if i was okay. I said I was fine but I obviously wasn’t and so I asked if I could be excused to go to the washroom. I went to the washroom and just burst into tears. And this is so unlike me because I usually don’t cry in public. So then I finally managed to calm myself down and went back to class and decided to focus to studies for the rest of the day. The same day, I was hanging around with Shaz and we were standing really close to each other and so 2 guys passed by and said- Do it, Kiss her. I did not say anything and I just walked away. I told this other friend of mine who is friends with him that I did not like it and that I was slightly uncomfortable. She said she would talk to him and she did. So he came to apologize to me, and I totally lost it. I started screaming at him in the school corridor. And that when the water works started again. I just ran crying into the girl’s washroom. Usually something like that would not bother me but I had just told Shaz that I was gay and I was just feeling a bit uncomfortable. So then this girl (who is also in my history class) came into the washroom and saw me crying and came and sat next to me and asked me whats wrong. (lets call this girl Annie) So i knew this girl was Bi and she was in a relationship with another girl and so I don’t know what came over me but I told her everything. It was the first time I talked to someone so openly about it. She really really helped me a lot. She told me about the things she faced when she came out of the closet and she gave me some advice about coming out to my family. She was a darling and told me that I could talk to her anytime if I needed and that she was there for me. It felt really good to hear that from someone. And then this other girl who had witnessed my screaming at this guy also came to the washroom and she said that its fine that you are gay and don’t worry and all that stuff.

Everything dint magically become okay but it did help a little. Then on Friday, Ani asked how I was feeling that day. It felt so nice to see that someone cared. I am still a little down but I will get over it soon, I hope.

Okay, so I am done ranting now. *deep breaths*

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s